If I can do it, so can you: layer cake and frosting from scratch!
Also: Sneaky Petes are actually okay, the new Good Eats trailer, Olive Garden LIFETIME pasta passes, and more
Let’s be clear: there are many, many, many cakes more beautiful than the one I made over the weekend.
I mean:
…and:
…and SWEET JESUS, this looks like something Rihanna would wear to the Met Gala:
My cake…did not look like these cakes.
If we’re being honest, my cake should be represented by a small, squirrel-like mammal to the left of the early hominid, or maybe just a pool of burbling primordial soup. But you get the idea.
I’m telling you this because there’s a lot of you, a lot a lot, who have probably never ever made a cake from scratch.
And buddy – if I can make something completely edible and, to be honest, kind of delicious (if decidedly homely) then, with a little practice, so can you.
You’ll need some special kitchen stuff to tackle this Classic Vanilla Butter Cake Recipe from Serious Eats. But friends: it’s totally worth it.
a stand mixer (or at least a hand held mixer)
cake pans (at least 2)
a long serrated knife (optional but useful)
cake turner (also optional but useful…and a nice way to present your finished cake)
an offset spatula (kind of optional, but ideally the best way to frost your cake)
parchment paper (to line your pans)
wire cooling racks
You’ll also need that same mixer to make your frosting – you can go with the recommended, fussy looking embedded recipe from Serious Eats, or you can go with this one, which comes together in five minutes, is also delicious and is a LOT less temperature sensitive. (Also: MAKE 2X or 3X of the frosting. You’ll need it. See below. Good God.)
Speaking of temperatures: this cake recipe requires some planning and some care to make sure your ingredients are all at the recommended temperatures. The exquisite textures this recipe produces depends on it. You don’t have to get them exactly right, but don’t go in with ice cold butter or milk, or summer-kitchen temperature eggs. You’ll have to watch, and you’ll have to test with your thermometer, and you’ll have to wait. But based on feedback from folks online and my own go-around, if you stick to the plan, you’ll get tender and toothsome layers, a perfect vanilla canvas for whatever beautiful frosting and decorating schemes you see fit.
Or, in my case, a scraggly, under-frosted, poorly trimmed, delicious mess.
TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Was I impatient to get this sucker frosted and failed to trim the dome of the top layer properly?
Did I forget the frosting recipe was probably for cupcakes and made far, far too little for a proper cake?
Did I think I could get away with not using an offset spatula and pressed a little too hard into the delicate, buttery layers, causing one to break open, requiring emergency spackling with the precious frosting?
Did I forget candles for MY OWN GOSHDARNED BIRTHDAY CAKE?
Yes, yes, yes and shut uppa your face, yes.
But friend: lemme tell ya. That homely, dogs-dinner of a first effort was creamy, delicate and one of the most delicious cakes I’ve ever eaten.
And that was my FIRST TRY, yo.
And if I can do it, you DEFINITELY can. Really. You can. Just give yourself permission to really, really f*ck up how it looks. And eat it anyway, because it will most likely be delicious.
And then try again.
A word from Franklin on Boeufhaus (thanks, Mary!):
I regret to inform you that the previously mentioned concoction known as Sneaky Pete (50% Boone’s Farm, 50% Busch Light, 100% crushable) is actually palatable and delicious and refreshing and I am just as surprised and ashamed of myself as one would hope I’d be.
A friend recently told me she blocked an otherwise attractive contact on a dating app because he claimed St. Louis barbecue was superior to Memphis style, which is as trollsome a statement as your neighbor claiming his vegan carob-oatmeal/zucchini sawdust balls are better than your other neighbor's salted caramel/chocolate ribbon brownies. I'm not sure what's accomplished by spouting gratuitously contrarian nonsense - it doesn't make you look cool; it makes you look like your taste buds collectively went on a five-year gasoline-huffing bender and never truly recovered and have trouble remembering their own phone numbers.
Anyway. I'm proud of my friend. If you're still in the dating pool, folks - just remember: pay attention to the little things. Life is too short to swipe right on idiots.
Things you should make:
If you love Nutella but are trying to avoid palm oil or unethically harvested hazelnuts, give some of Deb’s Peanutella a try. And then, if you’re into macarons, you can use the Peanutella in a batch of these stupendously delicious little suckers:
Bon Appetit’s Alex Delany introduces us to an easy, crushable, low-ABV cocktail that will likely take over the rest of your summer, The Spaghett (no eeeee.) (My friend Dan sent me the original link, but my buddy Leslie says her proportions – 2oz. Aperol, .5oz Lemon juice, 12oz Miller High Life is a tastier take.)
Links:
Videos:
The Try Guys make fun, smart, goofy YouTube content. In this episode, they eat a lot of cheese. Did I mention everyone on camera is lactose intolerant? (Thanks, Rachel)
In case you really, really wanna get your frosting game TIGHT, check out episode 3 of Baking School:
This has absolutely nothing to do with cooking, but I find a lot of folks who like to cook also really like Bob Ross. This video, about what happened to a lot of Bob’s paintings, is a gem.